Film: Breaking Dawn

I can’t confess to being a ‘Twihard’ fan, but when I was asked to go to the Breaking Dawn: Part 1 premiere I thought I’d check out what all the fuss was about. In terms of screaming fans lining the red carpet (that went on for three floors at the new Westfield), Twilight was never going to be short of viewers, and bad reviews are not going to put these people off. One girl had the three main characters tattooed on her back and some had been camping outside for two nights just to get a glimpse of the cast.

If you want a bit of eye candy then this film is definitely for you. Thirty seconds in Jacob (Taylor Lautner) rips off his t-shirt on receiving Bella and Edward’s wedding invitation. It’s a slightly bizarre reaction but it gets straight to the point -- the boy has a great body. It also sets the tone for the whole film: Jacob is jealous that Edward got his girl.

What proceeds is a wedding that takes up half an hour screen time, including the longest al fresco altar kiss ever. I’m not quite sure how Bella’s family don’t suspect she’s marrying in to something weird as the Cullen relations are incredibly pale and have freaky eyeballs, but after some funny wedding speeches and emotional goodbyes they’re off to an island near Rio for their honeymoon.

The long awaited romantic scenes are 12A friendly but prompt confusion as to how vampires reproduce. Bella seems to be pregnant even though it is usually a vampire bite that does the trick. Even Edward is perplexed and as his young bride seems to be gestating at the rate of knots he googles ‘demon children’. There are quite a few of these unintentionally comic moments and most of the audience laughed as Bella drinks blood out of a polystyrene cup to give her strength. R Pattz telepathically communicates with his vampire foetus and after a grotesque birth we’re left with the funniest moment of all -- the baby will be named ‘Renesme’.

Kristen Stewart gives a good performance as the skeletal girl with a vampire baby draining her strength and the werewolves add something to the storyline but it is plain to see that this book has been made into two films for the box-office profit.

For a 12A the birthing scene was frankly horrific, definitely the most gruesome caesarean I’ve ever seen and enough to put anyone off having children for life. Understandably most people won’t be pregnant with a vampire baby but if you are squeamish then close your eyes. For all these criticisms I actually did enjoy Breaking Dawn and if you like the whole good-looking vampire/werewolf dynamic then this is a must see.

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